


Two Paths

by Kajune



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Choices, Difficult Decisions, Doubt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:39:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajune/pseuds/Kajune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between living happily with his longtime crush Shizuo, and keeping his old life as the notorious information broker, Izaya struggles to choose. Why?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Paths

Shiki watches Izaya intently, his most professional expression marred by only a tiny smirk. It's amusing him, the current situation. A guy who fought with all his might to be among the members of the underground world and at the same time hold their trust, thus becoming a rich and feared individual...wants to back down.

The decision hasn't been made yet, at least, not until the raven sitting across from him signs the paper he's been staring at for nearly 8 minutes. He can sense his two guards getting nervous now, unsure if this was a trap or the guy seriously called them here without thinking thoroughly.

He probably reflected as much as his brain could take, but upon seeing that paper and knowing only a single signature will earn him their help in eradicating his title as an informant, doubt came in.

It's a pitiful sight.

There's no way it can't be seen as such.

As a teenager, Izaya fought through thick and thin to earn respect. He sought only the luxurious life and the position of power those of the underground had. Though he serves all clients, he has a name in the dark parts of society and that's where his most highest-paying clients come from; Shiki included.

With this signing, no one will consider him an informant any longer. No more sudden calls from people thinking they've found their salvation when instead they've found a reformed man who is unemployed.

He doubts Izaya has planned his own future, being a little too careful to think beyond getting away from his current life. He saw it in those eyes when the guy came in, that he holds some determination to escape a life of debauchery and most likely go for virtue. He's not sure what has driven Izaya to do this, to commit such a large-scale act for someone who's practically about to tear down their lifelong dream.

Their conversation prior to that pen and paper ending up on Izaya's side of the low table was completely formal, only comprising of "I want to sign the paper" and "are you sure" and nothing has been said since.

The more time goes by, the more scared Izaya looks.

Does he really want to leave this world? This lifestyle? The more he hesitates the more his eyes say he doesn't.

Whatever got him to make a sudden call for assistance and subsequently see Shiki again after four weeks of silence, is probably not strong enough to push him far beyond doubt.

Inside Izaya's mind, unseen by everyone, is the image of Shizuo.

The reason he's here, is because Shizuo promised, seemingly whole-heartedly, that he would be with Izaya if he agrees to stop his nasty life. It was a sudden proposal, and probably a trap, a lie, though even if a half-lie it still tempts Izaya to press the tip of that pen onto that line and get this over with, so he can be happy.

But will he be?

This question swirls in his head like a hurricane, never bringing clarity.

He has been happy for many years, but not in the way he's truly wanted. He's always cared for Shizuo, ever since they first met, but connections would ruin his future prospects as an elite among the evil, and Izaya had to shut his mouth. After Shizuo said those words, however, the desire to live as an informant dissipated...up until now.

He's not sure, if Shizuo will truly love him, or will their love last forever or be just a fling.

He wants Shizuo's heart, is willing to give his own as he's dreamed of doing for so many nights during his teenhood. He used to pray for such a reality, despite slapping himself afterwards. Right now, he's back to believing in the beauty of it, believing he will certainly be happy should he grab the chance. In fact, there's no question that even Shinra, Celty and all the rest will enjoy the image of a clean Orihara Izaya.

Yet he doesn't know, still isn't certain, if it's just a fragile dream unable to exist. Will things really turn out well afterwards?

A truly scary question.

It's even scarier to think of the possibility that Shizuo is just trying to trick him, simply wants him to change but won't become his lover. He may even treat him no differently from before, with total animosity.

In that moment, Shiki sees a few tears wet the paper.

Him, along with his men try not to react, knowing the decision is to be made by Izaya alone, without interference.

Hand trembling, tears pouring, uncertainty clouding his mind, and no one around to tell him the correct answer. In the end, which is going to be better?

'Please...tell me.'

Izaya begs, pen still an inch from the white paper.

**Author's Note:**

> This short story kind of represents my current state of mind, where I'm in trouble with choosing between two options that will affect my life and my future. 
> 
> I wonder how many of my readers encounter such a moment.


End file.
